As with any marriage, newlyweds are entitled to numerous spousal-related benefits.  Now that same-sex marriage is legalized in Minnesota (starting August 1), gay couples will have more decisions they’ll need to make with their spouse, including:

A right to inherit – According to Minnesota Family Law Attorney Kelsey Swanson, “if a person dies without a will, the spouse will automatically inherit the other spouse’s estate.  Also, if one party has a will but they disinherited their spouse or did not give their spouse enough of the estate, the living spouse can pursue their rightful share under Minnesota law.”

The right to collect – Because same-sex partners can legally get married, spouses will be eligible to collect each other’s pension or social security benefits.  In the event of a divorce or dissolution, a court may award spousal maintenance to one party.

Getting a prenuptial agreement – Gay couples that will soon become legally married can consider drafting a prenuptial (also known as an antenuptual) agreement.  “While gay couples in the past could divide property per a partition action, Minnesota law treats all assets and debts obtained in a marriage as ‘marital.’  All marital assets and debts in a dissolution are dissolved equitably, not equally,” said Swanson.

Recognition of Marriage -  “Previously, if a gay couple came to Minnesota, their marriage simply wasn’t recognized,” said Swanson.  “It was as if they were never married.”

“Additionally, if a couple traveled to another state to be married and moved to Minnesota, it put the couple in a difficult position if they desired to divorce.  While the marriage was already considered ‘void’ since they lived in Minnesota, ostensibly, if the couple traveled back to the state that they were previously married in, they would still be married.  However, states (like Minnesota) usually have stringent residency requirements for seeking a dissolution of marriage.  So, if a couple no longer resided in the state that recognized their marriage, it would potentially be impossible for that state to dissolve the marriage.  Since Minnesota didn’t recognize gay marriage, if the couple were Minnesota residents, they could not get a divorce in Minnesota.”

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1978 – Harvey Milk makes national headlines when he is sworn in as the first openly gay member of the San Francisco Board of Supervisors.  During his time on the board, Milk is best remembered for his adamant opposition of “Prop 6” which would have allowed schools to fire any employee who publicly supported gay rights.  The proposition was defeated when it was called for vote in November. A former board member assassinated Milk later that month.

1982 – Wisconsin becomes the first state to ban discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation in regards to employment, housing, and public accommodations when it passes AB70, aka The Gay Rights Bill.  Two years later, Berkeley, California becomes the first city to offer its employees domestic-partnership benefits.

1993 – “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy is enacted in the U.S. military, permitting gays to serve in the military as long as they keep their sexual orientation private.

2000 – Vermont becomes the first state in the country to recognize civil unions between same-sex couples.  The law entitles couples “to the same benefits, privileges, and responsibilities as spouses”, but it does not define the unions as marriage.  Marriage is still classified as a heterosexual relationship.

2003 – The Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court rules that preventing same-sex couples from marrying violates the state constitution.

2004 – Gay marriage is legalized in Massachusetts.

2006 – Same-sex civil unions are legalized in Connecticut.  Two years later, the Connecticut becomes the second state to officially legalize gay marriage.

2009 – Iowa, Vermont, Maine and New Hampshire all legalize same-sex marriage throughout the year, although residents in Maine vote to overturn the law later in the year.

2010 – The U.S. Senate votes 65 to 31 in favor of repealing  “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”.  On December 18, President Obama officially repeals the policy.

2011 – New York becomes the largest state to allow same-sex marriage.

2012 – Washington and Maryland pass legislation to allow gay marriage, and Maine votes in favor of allowing same-sex marriages.  President Barack Obama openly supports same-sex marriage.  In November, Minnesota rejects a measure that would have banned gay marriage.

2013 – Governors from Rhode Island, Delaware and Minnesota sign same sex legislation into law after it passes through the State House and State Senate.  The law will go into effect on July 1 in Delaware, and August 1 in Rhode Island and Minnesota.

Related source:  Infoplease.com

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Supporters of the bill gathered at the capital Monday to celebrate the vote making its way through the Senate, and they once again lined the steps on Tuesday to commemorate the expected signing by Governor Dayton.

Dayton has been a proponent of the bill since its inception, and he urged lawmakers to support the bill as it passed thought the State House and State Senate.  State Senator Tony Lourey shared Dayton’s view on the bill, saying “In my heart of hearts, I know that today loves wins.”

Even though the bill will be signed Tuesday, same-sex marriages won’t be legal until August.  Beginning August 1, same-sex couples can apply for a marriage license just like any other couple.

The Stars Aligned

Just over six months ago, Minnesota sat at the opposite end of the marital spectrum.  Along with voting for who would lead our country in the coming years, Minnesotans held a vote to decide if the state should amend the constitution to define marriage as between “a man and a woman”.  Family Law Attorney Kelsey Swanson said after Minnesotans voted against the amendment, the proverbial same-sex ball began to roll.

“Piggy-backing off of the great momentum generated by the defeat of the marriage amendment, as well as taking advantage of a democratic house, senate and governor, Minnesotans proved that this was the perfect time to push for the legalization of gay marriage,” said Swanson.

Once the marriage amendment was defeated, state legislators began to re-examine the possibility of legalizing same-sex marriage.  Swanson said they eventually drafted a bill that had a more expansive definition of marriage.

“A bill was written to change the term ‘marriage’ in state law to ‘civil marriage,’ and expand the definition of who is eligible from ‘a man and a woman’ to ‘two persons,’” said Swanson.

Once the measure was adopted, it needed to get the approval of state legislators.  During the last six days:

• The bill passed the State House by a margin of 75-59 on Thursday.
• On Monday, the bill was approved by the State Senate by a margin of 37-30.
• Once signed by Dayton on Tuesday, the proposed bill will officially become law, which will go into effect August 1, 2013.

Celebrations Planned

Although hundreds of people are already celebrating the soon-to-be-signed bill, more events have been planned for Tuesday night.

Governor Dayton will sign the bill at 5 p.m., and the festivities will commence shortly after.  The Minnesota Freedom Band will lead a procession from the capitol to Ecolab Plaza, where the festival will take place.  Some more details about the event can be seen below.

What:  “Love is Law” concert featuring some of Minnesota’s best local music.

Where:  Ecolab Plaza.

When:  6 p.m. to 10:15 p.m.

Who:  Featured bands include the Minnesota Freedom Band, Jack Brass Band, DJ Jake Rudh, H$B, Zoo Animal, P.O.S., Twin Cities Gay Men’s Chorus, Chan Poling and Friends (The Suburbs) and Mayor Chris Coleman.

Why:  To celebrate the passage of House File 1054/Senate File 925, which officially legalizes same-sex marriage in Minnesota.

Realted source: NY Times

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The campaign was started by an organization called the Aid to Children and Adolescents at Risk Foundation, and their advertisements display different messages depending on what angle you view them.

The best way to explain how the campaign works is to imagine a window with blinds.  If an adult slightly closes the binds, it may prevent light from hitting their eyes.  If a short child were to look at the same window some light may be visible because they are looking up at the blinds, while the adult is seeing the blinds from straight on.

You can take a look at the video below which further illustrates the advertisement’s design.

As you can see, when an adult views the advertisement they’ll see a normal child along with the words “Sometimes, child abuse is only visible to the child suffering it.”  When a child less than four feet, five inches looks at the sign, they’ll see a picture of a boy with a bloody lip, along with the caption “If somebody hurts you, phone us and we’ll help you.”  The advertisement also lists a phone number for abuse victims.

The company hopes to target children who are standing with their abuser as they pass by.  If they can prevent even one case of child abuse, the ads will be a rousing success.

Family Law Attorney Kelsey Swanson comments

I think that the advertisement is really imaginative, and it will be very interesting to see how effective the campaign will be in preventing child abuse.

In Minnesota, we have mandatory reporting laws regarding child abuse and domestic abuse.  Teachers, doctors, school counselors, and therapists are all mandatory reporters, which means if they suspect any child abuse, they must notify authorities of the abuse or potential abuse. See Minn. Stat. 625.556.

So basically, if there is a child being abused at home, the child can tell his teacher at school and the teacher will have to report it. Spain might not have the same reporting laws and requirements as we do in the United States, so it is important for children to have a voice and know there is help out there if they are being abuse.

Aside from using this type of advertising to prevent child abuse, I wouldn’t be surprised if this concept was adapted by other companies that want to target kids.  Imagine seeing an advertisement that reminds parents that the holidays are approaching, but when a child looks at the sign they see the newest remote-controlled car or doll.  It’s a targeted and subliminal message rolled into one.

Related source: Gizmodo.com

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We’ve written about effective communicative technologies during a divorce on this blog before, but many people are unaware of how common it is for electronic correspondences to make their way into the court room.  A recent study by the American Association of Matrimonial Lawyers found that some sort of social media evidence was used in 81 percent of all divorce cases.  Because that number is so high, Family Law Attorney Kelsey Swanson decided to compile a list of five tips to consider regarding communication during a divorce.

1) Consider your tone – Text messages and emails can oftentimes be misconstrued.  Remarks that were meant to be sarcastic or hyperbolic suddenly may be characterized by opposing party (or opposing counsel) as abusive or demonstrative as a parent’s ability to communicate with the other parent.  The presumption of legal custody  in Minnesota is that it will be jointly shared by the parents.  This presumption is rebuttable if there is domestic abuse. Additionally, if the parties demonstrate a complete inability to communicate regarding their children, which might lead a judge to determine that one party must be granted the ability to make all legal custody decisions in the child’s life because the parties will not be able to discuss and make the decision together.

Bottom line: if you cannot keep your message clear and unambiguous, it might be better to have the discussion in person rather than over text or email.

2) Text messages and emails are not the only correspondences that can be presented in court – Phone calls can be used as evidence as well.  Most smart phones have the ability to record conversations, and there are several applications available for someone to download to their phone to record calls.  Anything that you say or do during the pendency of your legal proceeding can possibly be used in court against you.

3) Your correspondence isn’t the only correspondence the court may see – Attorney communications are oftentimes used in court as well.  While settlement offers are typically not admissible in court, oftentimes attorneys will follow up “important” events in a case to make sure it is documented.  For example, if one parent withholds parenting time from the other, the attorney may send a letter to opposing counsel informing them that there was a denial of parenting time.  If later in the case the issue regarding the denial of parenting time arises and there is a disagreement as to whether or not this occurred, there is now a correspondence that can be entered as evidence that the event occurred, when it occurred, and that the other side was put on notice about this behavior.

One other note to the professionals: it is usually good practice to assume all of your communications will be seen by the judge, so always be professional and courteous.  No one wants to look like a jerk in front of the judge.

4) Real time social media can hurt your case - While smart phones and other electronic devices are not allowed in the courtroom, sometimes parties or their friends and family will ignore this rule and tweet/email/post on Facebook during a court hearing.  This is extremely inappropriate and could potentially get you in trouble with the judge.  Venting about your court appearance afterwards is usually a bad idea as well.  If you want to discuss your court case with friends and family, then do so privately.

5) Everyone you talk to about your case can be roped into your court matter – Any person that you talk to or discuss on social media, any person you are dating or seeing, any family member, any neighbor-anyone who might have one iota of information that is relevant to your case can be subpoenaed and required to testify.  If you don’t want to drag your friends into your court case, consider what information you discuss with them.

Related source: Washington Times

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Last year, Governor Mark Dayton shot down a bill that would have increased the mandatory parenting time each parent received to 35 percent.  Some advocates say children would benefit from a 50-50 split, while others feel that the court does not get enough say in the current system, which automatically awards each parent 25 percent of custody time.  Through meditation, the court then divides the remaining 50 percent.  Custody reform advocate Tom Burke says he doesn’t believe the changes will be discussed in 2013, as he believes raising the mandatory minimum may negatively impact children.

“It’s the kids who are getting hurt,” Burke said.

Minnesota Family Law Attorney Amanda Crain echoed those sentiments, saying that a 50-50 split may benefit the parents, but the child could suffer if one of the parties isn’t an active parent.

“A higher percentage of parenting time does not mean that the time is in the best interests of the minor child,” said Crain.  “It may set a frame work to encourage a parent-child relationship, but the onus is on the parent to actively develop this relationship.”

Crain went on to say that when determining parenting time in Minnesota, the court considers how much time will enable the parent and child to maintain a parent-child relationship that is in the best interest of the child.  Crain said she’s seen cases where the court rules strongly in favor of one party.

“A parent might only have 35% of the parenting time with the child, but during that time they rarely engage with each other.  The parent and child are essentially living two separate lives,” said Crain. “Because of these situations, it’s better to evaluate each matter on a case-by-case basis so the minor doesn’t suffer.”

During the hearing to delegate parenting time, the court evaluates a list of factors to determine the best interests of the children involved.  Courts generally aim for an equal split of parenting time unless they find that:

• The safety, well-being, and physical, mental, and emotional health of the child would be endangered by equal time-sharing.
• Clear and convincing evidence of extenuating circumstances justify a departure from equal time-sharing.
• A parent is in jail.
• The distance between parental residences makes equal time-sharing impracticable.
• A parent does not request at least 50 percent of the parenting time.
• Domestic violence has occurred.
• Other relevant court orders have been brought against one party.

Although the measure is unlikely to be brought up in coming legislative sessions, legislators may consider raising minimum custody down the road.  Crain said she is pleased with the current system for assigning parenting time.

“While presumptive parenting time percentages provide parents with a framework for maintaining a relationship with their child, percentages are not always a “one-size-fits-all” solution.”

Related source:  Star-Tribune

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Under the current system, only couples going through a contested divorce are required to take classes, but oftentimes they can be avoided if the parties provide certain paperwork. The bill has support from both Democrats and Republicans, and supporters believe the bill will help alleviate some of the stress associated with divorce, which can sometimes be taken out on the children.

“In the divorce it’s easy to leak out the negativity you have toward your ex and put it on your children. What these courses do is help parents realize that their children are very vulnerable to being put in the middle,” said Bill Doherty, a professor of family social sciences at the University of Minnesota.

Amanda Crain, a Minneapolis Family Law Attorney, echoed those sentiments, saying the classes help prepare each party in case they encounter problems down the road.

“These classes are beneficial because even if the parties are able to reach an agreement now on all issues, they may still run into disputes with their ex-spouse in the future over custody, parenting time, and child support,” said Crain.  “These classes are very helpful in providing parents with general information on the overall court process, insights on how to better deal with custody and parenting time issues, and they address financial considerations for property division, child support, and spousal maintenance that can arise out of a divorce.”

In addition to the proposed law, proponents of the bill are hoping to restructure the program to make it easier for parents to fit it into their schedule.  Some of the main points of emphasis include:

• Reducing the program from eight hours to four hours
• Lowering the cost of the sessions
• Making the courses available online

The bill hopes to adopt a standardized statewide course-guide so couples can receive the same information.  Many couples run into similar issues throughout the divorce process, and Crain believes these classes will have a positive effect on both parents and children.

“Parties need to cooperate at the time of divorce, but will they also need to work together in the future,” said Crain.  “These classes can help people in uncontested divorces with parenting and custody matters that may not seem like an issue during the initial proceedings.”

The bill was passed unanimously by the house committee, but it missed the most recent state senate committee deadline.  It will be voted on during the next legislative session, and all signs point to the upgrade passing.

Related source: KSTP.com

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1)  Don’t make it a surprise – Surprises are a nice touch to some birthday parties, but they shouldn’t be used for divorce showers.  Divorce is an emotional process, and you don’t want to surprise the divorcee.  A lot of people aren’t open about the divorce proceedings, so making the shower a surprise could conflict with an emotional mediation or court appearance.  Inform the divorcee about the party so they can plan ahead. Also, make sure you get the guest list pre-approved.  Sometimes friends and family members will have their own opinions during the divorce proceedings.  It is important that the guest of honor have a fun and stress-free time; it should not be a time to confront other individuals about their lack of support or support of the other party throughout the proceeding.

2)  Allow time to pass – Similar to Step 1, you want to let some time pass between the divorce and the shower.  Planning the party too soon after the divorce can be a bad idea if the divorcee is still struggling with moving on.

3)  Keep the kids at home – Regardless of whether the shower takes place at a restaurant or a friend’s house, bringing your child to the shower can make others feel uncomfortable.  Also, children should be kept out of divorce conversations to the extent possible, so consider leaving them at home.  If the divorcee has children, try to arrange the shower on a night where the children are with their ex or get a sitter to cover.  The shower should be a time where everyone can let loose, and that can be difficult to do if children are around.

4)  Chip in for a gift – Although you may be upset that the wedding gift you bought for the couple now resides in the ex’s house, consider chipping in for a gift.  You don’t need to spend a lot of money, but throwing in for a gift will be appreciated by the divorcee.  Plus, it can be a nice way to help replace some of the items they may have divided in the divorce.  Divorced couples are effectively going from one household to two households.  Some of the household necessities such a coffee maker might need to be replaced.

5)  Serve ample refreshments – Everyone should be able to indulge a little at the divorce shower.  Talk with those who are attending to coordinate who will bring drinks, snacks and desserts.  You don’t need to break the bank to feed everyone, so ask people to bring a bottle of wine or their favorite flavor of ice cream.

6)  Get creative and keep things lighthearted – Although wedding and baby showers are usually a little more formal, get creative and have a good time with the divorce shower.  Consider having a themed party, and have fun decorating and playing games.  Keep the shower light hearted, with a focus on new beginnings and freedoms, rather than bashing the ex-spouse or rehashing the divorce process.  Setting some simple ground rules, such as “no ex-bashing” and “no divorce questions,” can go a long way in making sure your party is a success!

The post 6 Steps for Throwing Your Friend a Great Divorce Shower appeared first on Minneapolis Family Law Lawyer | Minnesota Divorce Attorney Blog.

1)  Change the scenery – Regardless of whether you or your ex are moving out, re-invent your living space with a fresh perspective.  Replace old photographs with pictures of your friends and family, and get creative with the furniture and walls.  If you’ve always wanted to paint a wall a different color, now is the time to do it.  The extra work can help keep your mind off the divorce, and it can give you a sense of accomplishment when finished.

2)  Reconnect with friends – As you get older, the amount of close friends a person has tends to decrease.  If you have more free time on your hands, consider re-connecting with some friends that you haven’t seen in a while.  Organize a monthly get together and rotate who hosts each month.  Doing this will give you something to look forward to each month, and it will allow you showcase your hosting skills when the party comes to your place.  You can use these get-togethers as a way to try fun things like sampling new wines or trying a new recipe.

3)  Connect with others – Joining interest groups is another fun way to meet people.   Find something that interests you and search for other people who share the same passion.  For example, you can join a weekly cooking class, or join a pool league at a local bar or restaurant.  These are simple ways to meet new people, and it can be easier to break the ice and make new friends because you share similar interests.  Joining a group that meets during the week can also help break up the work week.

4)  Pick up a good book – Now that you have some more time on your hands, pick up some books that have been on your reading list.  Reading stimulates the brain more than other activities like watching TV, and there are thousands of good books that can take your mind off a divorce.  Pick up a classic or ask your friends what books they are reading.  Or, check out this list of good books to read post-divorce.

5)  Prepare yourself – Now that you’re on your own, you might find yourself in situations that you’ve never had to face by yourself.  Consider learning how to change a flat tire, or join a service like AAA that offers roadside assistance.  If your ex handled the home repairs, you might want to invest in a tool set in case anything goes wrong at your new place.  Also, if you’re in a new place, find out where the fuse box is in case your power goes out.  Being prepared for unforeseen obstacles can make sure the problem doesn’t turn into a major headache.

6)  Make a list of goals – Many people see divorce as a way to start fresh.  If there are things you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t had the time, make a list of goals for yourself.  Writing things down can help you take the first step in achieving them, and it can serve as a tangible checklist of where you want to be 3 months, 6 months, or 12 months down the road.  Consider putting both small goals and big goals on the list.  While big things like “buy a new car” or “take an exotic vacation” may make the list, also put smaller goals on the list like “take a walk outside once a week” or “try three new recipes this month”.

Related source:  Huffington Post

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Adoption advocates say the state’s adoption rate currently stands as the second lowest rate in the nation due in large part to the lack of financial assistance that is provided to adoptive families.

Typical subsides for a child in foster care is almost $700 a month, but financial support for families who adopt a foster child is less than $400.  Department of Human Services Commissioner Lucinda Jesson believes larger subsides will take the burden off families who are unsure about the financial support associated with adopting a child.

“One thing we heard from every part of Minnesota was we need to change the way we pay for adoption assistance,” Jesson said. “We have disincentives built into our system … because, frankly, we pay more for children to be in foster care than we do for adoption assistance.”

Jesson noted that according to the Department of Human Services, Minnesota has a large disparity between foster care and adoption subsides.  The state has one of the highest rates of foster care financial assistance, yet it ranks near the bottom for adoption subsides.

Joe Knoll, who works for the North American Council on Adoptable Children, said the government needs to re-evaluate how it allocates both subsides.

“I’ve watched over the years why that happens,” said Knoll. “It is a structural problem because the foster care costs are borne by the counties and the subsidized adoption costs are borne by the states. The Legislature gives a cost of living to the counties, passes it on, and they don’t give it themselves at the state.”

The proposed bill would re-structure the financial allocations, equalizing monthly funding for foster care, relative care, and adoptive families.

Jesson says their bill has evidence that the proposed system would increase adoption rates.  She said the state already conducted a test project that equalized foster care and adoption payments, and the results were successful.  Jesson said adoption rates increase 20 percent during the trial.

Brenda Reedy, who adopted two children during the state’s trial project, said there are added expenses when it comes to adopting a child out of a foster home, and the extra money helped cover those expenses.

“We all know that raising children is expensive, Reedy said.”What many people don’t know is raising kids that come out of the foster care system can be much more expensive. You don’t realize all the therapy you’re going to need. The years — we’ve had our kids for seven years — our son’s been in therapy all those seven years. You know, doctor’s appointments, physical therapy, occupational therapy; you name it, we’ve been there.”

The proposal asks for roughly $2.5 million to be added to the governor’s proposed two-year budget. Jesson says the funds would provide adoptive families with the money they need, and the changes would not lessen subsides that the majority of foster families receive.  She did say that the top six percent would see a decrease to their foster care subsides, but she thinks the change will be beneficial to a greater amount of people, especially those children looking for a home.

Currently 335 children are waiting to be adopted in Minnesota foster care.

Related source: Minnesota Public Radio

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